The SHIT that comes with starting over

So here I am, look at that, what a fricken genius, two days I've managed to be 'consistent'. Being consistent meant stripping back to basics for me. So I did it, I woke up, I ate 1200 healthy calories, I did a little exercise, I slept and I did it all again. Two days of consistency, after 14 of being a complete toss pot!!

Wanna know the shit thing about starting over? Literally the shit. My body has quite possibly gone into flush mode of all the crap its been storing and the exercise and water intake , as well as the vegie intake over the last few days has contributed to me spending quite a bit of time running to the toilet today! Is the 14 days of being a toss pot with food and exercise worth this feeling? Goodness no!! I remember just before I commenced my first ever round, and I am completely guilty of the 'I may as well eat it because its the last time I can' mentality and then bang two days into it same thing!! Its gross, it hurts, Im bloated and Ive wasted too much time in the toilet :) .............Gross I know, but just saying!

How else has consistency been working for me. Well, I've been organized, which is a nice feeling. Its a sense of control, you know what you're doing you know what needs to be done and because you've planned and organized your shit, its easy to execute! Same old things for me, my house is clean, my freezer is full, my child is great, my partner is happy, and all in the world is fine. How can this be possible just from me being organized and structured? Because, I dont feel worthless. I actually said the words out loud to my sister last week when I was in toss pot mode I said 'I feel fat and worthless' and I was being honest. I owe it to myself to maintain this consistency, to be structured, I cant live such a manic existence and expect those around me or me to be at all on the same page, when Im chopping and changing my own at rapid speed. The consistent Emma is the one I like , the one that isnt scared to say no and the one that knows what she wants.

I also havent over thought anything this past two days. The food is there, the exercise DVD, treadmill, or my Mum and sister are there for a walk. They are no longer the biggest part of my day, I refuse to contemplate them now, they are simply there and there for the taking. They are now apart of something that needs to be done on a consistent basis.

So tonight Im not feeling physically well, but my mental wellness is far better than it was last week. Its like that feeling you get when you dont exercise for ages and then you do and you kick yourself for ever stopping because you remember how good it felt, thats where Im at, Im kicking myself for not being structured because it feels so good. The reality is, it took me about 4 hours to cook all the food and clean up after it, and the reality is the exercise is an hour, 4% of my day...........thats as plain and simple as it is. Heres the thing, I dont own excuses, I have none, I have bad anxiety and thats about as much of an excuse as I have that stops me doing all this, but anyone with anxiety knows that great food and exercise is the best thing for it! I can afford the food and if I couldnt my parents would cook it for me, I have a partner who 100% supports what I do, I have a child who knows what exercise is and likes the creche or staying with her Grandad while I do it, and 4% of my day is easily dedicated to exercise. I actually dont know what it is that stops me. I dont think Im lazy, but maybe I am, Im really not sure I've never really thought about it. I am definitely depressed, and quite possibly thats what it is, but for now, its basics, its the consistency method, its the dont think about it method. As long as my food is in the freezer all is well, what puts the food in the freezer? Organization!

P.s I dont know why I rambled, the whole point of this post was to warn people not to go nuts, stick to the program dont go off it because when you go back on you may feel as sick as I do!

Without going too far back through the past. In August 2012 I decided, along with my mother to embark on Michelle Bridges 12wbt Transformation. Things were pretty great for the first round.........im now heading into my 4th. So whats changed? Not a whole lot, but quite a lot as well. 

To be quite honest with you, losing weight is simple, its easy and its accessible to each and every one of us. The equation is this easy ; wake up, eat 1200 healthy calories, do some exercise (doesnt even have to be everyday, but the program prescribes 6 days per week), go to sleep, get up and do it all again. If you're over 100 kilos , just doing these three simple steps would easily see you lose weight consistently throughout the 12 weeks. There are no hidden secrets, thats it. Again I repeat, wake up, eat 1200 calories, do some exercise, sleep, wake up and do it all again. 

So why then havent I lost half my body weight and then why arent I modelling a size 8 bikini for Billabong? I'll tell you the top two reasons why. 

Number 1: Organization. In order to eat 1200 calories a day, you need to be organized. For someone like me this is a little how organization looks. A freezer full of pre cooked meals from 12wbt , a cupboard full of muesli/oats (that I know the calorie value of) a fridge stocked with yoghurt to top my oats/muesli. Because thats all you need. You need your breakfast, you need your lunch and dinner (already pre cooked in the freezer)! How easy is that? With a few little snacks or hot drinks in between , bingo you've hit your 1200 healthy calories and your day nutrition wise is done.......SORTED!!! 

So if the food is that easy, and its that simple to eat healthy calories , why dont I? This leads me to number 2!

2. CONSISTENCY!! The dictionary defines it as :

1. Conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness.

Wowzers look at that , look at the key words in there NECESSARY LOGIC FAIRNESS. Pretty certain its necessary for me to be a healthy young woman to be able to live life to the full, pretty sure its logical to not be 29 and hold yourself back because you're fat and uncomfortable and im pretty sure its fair to myself and the people I love (in particular my daughter) to be fit and healthy and the best possible version of myself!!
So this is my argument, losing weight isnt hard  , losing weight is simple. Getting your shit in a pile and just fucking doing it is hard (if you let it be).
There are so many reasons as to why I havent been as successful as I should of been, but it comes down to consistency. I have two very strong role models who one has reached their goal weight and another will this next round. I have ample support networks in relation to weightloss, thing is Im consistent with nothing, 12wbt is just another thing to add to the list. Im one of those people, that does bursts of awesomeness, but never on a consistent basis, my house is spotless for a month, then it isnt, my hair is taken care of for two weeks then its tied up and forgotten about, I lack consistency in most parts of my life , the only thing I push myself to be consistent with is Sophie and her education.

So how do you get consistent? Derr if I knew the answer to that obviously I would be. This is week one day one of trial and error consistency. This blog is not only designed to share my journey on 12wbt and weightloss, this is aimed to eliminate, reflect honestly and figure out the best way consistency works for me!

So what have I done? Ive spent the day cooking. I've got a freezer full of meals, and I know the exact date I will need to cook again. Ive worked out exactly what it is I am capable of exercise wise, and am committed to 4 days a week , if I do more then great, but I am capable of 4 days. I am speaking to others about becomming more of a 'all or nothing' sort of person, that lifestyle is no fun for anyone.

So who am ? Im Emma , Im 29, Im way too fat for my own good. I dont believe that being overweight is normal, despite what the soft media might tell us. Im short, really short, and while I might weigh a lot less than I did when I first started last August Im short, and when you're short, you're fatter than the whole world :) Or so it seems. Im a procrastinator, and im in consistent. I have a loving family and partner , not to mention the most beautiful little girl . I get worn out easy because I give a whole lot to others and I have no idea how to be consistent.

So my plan is to strip it all back, not to get caught up in it all and stick to this . 1200 healthy calories a day , exercise 4 days a week (more if I can). That is my entire goal for this next 12 weeks, if this is achievable, I will lose weight no doubts , but more than the weightloss, maybe my mindset will change into being a more consistent human being.

This blog post may sound very negative, its not intended to. I just dont want to pretty it up to be something its not. The truth is I am inconsistent and because of it I suffer. The truth is, that losing weight is easy, trust me Ive been on these forums long enough to hear every friggen excuse under the sun. Just so you know if you're reading this, not one of the women Ive watched whom are consistent have ever put on weight from being sick, nor have they put on weight from having TTOM a , its all bullshit the only reason you gain weight is if you lack consistency. (Just saying) .

My 12wbt journey hasnt been all negative. Ive grown a lot closer with my Mum, I've learned a significant amount about cooking (which used to consist of not a whole lot), I remembered how much I love exercising, and I got that high from exercise, though it wasnt consistent because I wasnt even consistent with that. So here we go, new round, no weightloss goals, pure consistency goal.

SAY IT OUT LOUD:

My name is Emma and I am inconsistent. MY goal for round 2 2013 is to remain as consistent as possible. Doing this will allow me structure, happiness and a sense of achievment. Whilst getting out of the 'obese' category is of high importance, I am unable to do that with the habits I currently have.

Tomorrow Im printing 'Fat' photos to stick in front of tredmil to remind me what needs to be done and Im committing to watching every video this round. I dont have a recent photo of myself but will always post the ones I do. Thanks for reading :)

I am currently about 8 kilos lighter than the end photo. Imagine what I could of been if I was consistent ;)